ELLEN KAGAN SEEN PLACING AN AD FOR CARETAKER POSITION IN THE NEW YORK TIMES OBITUARIES OFFICE, AFTER BEING DIAGNOSED WITH APHASIA.

Ms. Kagan, the president's choice for the Supreme Court,coddled worried Republicans (mostly Orrin Hatch, who she's quoted calling 'cute'), concerned with her future judging: she will not discuss cases at all, and will convey both Congress' (in its entirety) and the president's (the one elected at the moment) decision for whatever case before her.

Early start in presidential debit resolution and arrest, search and seizure, and torture warrant pliabilities placed the said in the New York Times employment advertisement office after taking a See What You're Good In test: A home attendant for a recently widowed spousal survivor in a coma.