SANTORUM PLAYING GOD. With recent polls showing him in the lead for the Republican party presidential nomination, Santorum has decided to create his own virtual tribe of knocked-up followers by promising to repeal all legislation assigning the coverage of contraceptive costs for women to whomever. All children born because of this policy will have to bear the middle name "Santorum". The new world leader also plans on adding two lines to the national anthem :" I revere the day/ I was not born gay" as a constitutional amendment and since global warming is a "hoax" meteorology will be abolished, with the slot in the news held by the weather replaced by bishopric homilies covering the meaning behind why women were never intended for the priesthood anyway.